An Unspoken Promise
by 1mcswarek
Summary: Set after 2x10, what would have happened if Sam and Andy had actually kissed and what happens when Sam still leaves on the UC op after a fight with Andy? Future chapters will involve some angst and a lot of love letters written while Sam is under.
1. An Unspoken Promise

This story is set at the end of 2x10 when Sam and Andy almost kiss but don't. What would of happened if they did kiss? What happens when Sam still leaves on the UC op after a fight with Andy? Involves Sam and Andy writing letters to each other while Sam is under.

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Chapter 1

He was screaming out Andy's name, hoping to god that she was alright. Why hadn't she radioed for help? God, if she was hurt.. No. He couldn't think about that right now, he just had to find her.

"Andy?

"Andy?" he yelled over the noise

"Sam!" she yelled back

He realized he had been holding his breath and let out a long sigh, still he couldn't help but notice the relief that washed over him when she yelled out his name. He closed the distance between them and decided that he needs to tell her how he feels. He knows that this isn't exactly perfect timing what with the UC op in 3 weeks but he really just needs to get it off his chest. He can't bear the thought of something happening to her and her not knowing exacly how he feels.

As soon as he gets close he forgets everything he had decided to say. Shit. Instead he gives her a huge smile, dimples and all and he can't help but notice the way her eyes light up slightly when he does this. God, she looks so beautiful.

"I'm okay, I got her out, like, just before it went up." She interrupts his thoughts.

"If I'd known the car was gonna catch on fire..." but he doesn't finish the sentence. What would he have done if he knew it would catch on fire? "You should've radioed" and just after he has said this he realises that he was too far off and wouldn't have been able to help anyway. Still, that wouldn't have stopped him from trying. He notices that his breathing has finally returned to normal and the fear he felt all but ten seconds ago is almost gone.

"You were a mile out and, you know, the car was on fire. I had that whole thing to deal with" she says, trying but failing, to lighten the mood. It's only then that she sees the fear written all over his face and the thought that it may because he was worried about her crept into her mind. No, she told herself. She had been trying all week to keep the thoughts of him and her out of her mind because she knew he probably didn't feel the same way about her as she did about him. All week she had been trying to just focus on the job and get it done but it had been incredibly hard. Whenever she was close to him she could smell him, he smelled exactly like he did the night of the blackout, a mix of sweat and his favorite collogne. Whenever he touched her she couldn't help but remember the way his hands had felt on her body that night, they set fire to her skin, the way his lips felt on hers - soft and delicate yet full of passion and wanting and most of all the way he tasted. God they way he tasted, she would give anything to get that back. All in all this last week had been a hell of a week but she couldn't deny the fact that he had been flirting like mad with her and she couldn't ignore they look in his eyes that she sometimes caught a glimpse of when he let his walls down, a look of lust, love, want, passion and need.

The sirens of another approaching fire engine brought her back to reality. Back to Sam. "But did you get the boy?" she asks.

"They found him, yeah," he replies, with a hint of joy and relief in his voice.

"Good". She says.

He glances away for a brief moment and surveys the scene around him and realizes just how bad things could have been. Thank fuck she was alright. He locks eyes with Andy again and is surprised to see a look of lust and want in her eyes. All this week he has been trying to put his feelings for her in the back of his mind, like she said, he compartmentalizes a lot. But it hadn't been working very well. Thoughts of the blackout creeping back into his mind and the fact that she was undeniably flirting with him wasn't exactly helping either. For some strange reason he feels the need to kiss her. To kiss her like he will never get to again. To convey every thought, feeling and emotion in a single gesture so hopefully she will understand just how much she means to him. Just how much he needs her, like the air he breathes.

He slowly leans towards her and sees her doing the same thing, their eyes never leaving the others. And just like that her lips are on his. It was soft and delicate, like he thought he might break her. As he wraps his arms around her waist to old her tight and deepen the kiss she lets a small moan escape her lips and with that her arms are around his neck pulling him closer. She forgets about where she is and enjoys the feeling of his lips on hers, his tounge demanding acess to her mouth and she gives in with little protest.

He realizes in that instant that if he doesn't stop right now he may actually take her right then and there, wether there were people watching or not. Oliver's wolf whistle brings them out of the makeout session and back down to reality as Andy's face turns a deep crimson red. "About time you two!" Oliver yells out. Sam doesn't let go of her though and they stand there for a few moments in a tight embrace. God, i feel so safe and protected in his arms, Andy thinks to herself.

* * *

As they drive home to his apartment in his truck she could cut the sexual tension in the air with a knife. They both knew what was going to happen tonight and Andy had been waiting so long for this moment. Every now and then she would catch Sam stealing glances at her and she could tell that he was nervous. Nervous? Sam Swarek was nervous?

They pulled up to his apartment and Sam reached into the back to grab their bags, he then went round to the other side of his truck and opened the door for Andy while holding out his hand.

"Thank you" she murmured.

The moment they were inside his door she couldn't restrain herself any longer. She grabbed his arm and spun him round and then pressed her lips to his, half asking half telling him what she wanted. He got whats she was saying and he parted his lips so she could explore his mouth with her tongue. He wrapped his hands around her waist and then she was tugging at his clothing, there was too much clothing and she wanted it gone. First came his shirt, then hers. Her fingers then moved to his belt buckle but he pushed her hands away, he looked into her eyes and could see a trace of hurt. He then picked her up in his arms and started walking to his bedroom and she understood what he was saying.

"mmmm Sam" she muttered as he laid her down on the bed, hovering over her, planting butterfly kisses on her collar bone.

She normally liked foreplay but tonight was not the night for that. She needed him and she needed him now!

"Sam, I need.." she was having trouble conveying what she wanted to him. "Now..."

And with that he pushed inside her. He felt so at one with her in the moment, like nothing else mattered and as they moved in sync with each other he began to loose himself in her.

"God you're so beautiful" her murmured in her ear.

He had never quite understood the expression of 'making love', until now. To him it was always just sex, granted it varied with whoever he was sleeping with but in this moment with the women he loved giving herself completely to him he felt complete, they had an unspoken promise and he would do whatever it took to keep that promise.

That night they fell asleep entwined in each others arms, unsure of where one stopped and the other started.

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Thanks for reading guys. This is my first ever story so please review and tell me what you think ! Thanks, hope you enjoyed reading it.

Oh and i hope to have then next chapter up within the next week :)


	2. Breaking the promise

Hey guys, thanks to Lissa13, carmi-bear, Linda p, rbfan624 and mamaluvsRB for reviewing chapter 1 and a special thanks to jh126 for reviewing and your kind words of encouragement.

I found this chapter a bit daunting to write as I think it will either make or break the story so let me know what you think.

Sorry if it's a bit sad but i promise there will be a happy ending, enjoy :)

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Sam woke early the next morning and the memories of last night came rushing back in a flood. Holy shit he thought as he remembered exactly what she had done to him, the way he had lost himself in her and the way she had done exactly the same. She looked so beautiful sleeping next to him, her head nuzzled into his neck and her warm, soft hand draped over his chest. A buzzing noise on his bedside table brought him back to reality.

He didn't want to wake McNally so he quicly scooped up the phone and flipped it open while walking out of the room as silently as possible. He didn't want to leave the warmth of his bed, his bed with Andy laying so perfeclty in it.

he didn't check the caller ID as he thought it would probably by Ollie, everyone else knew better than to ring sam at 7:15 on a Saturday unless they wanted an earful, and that was exactly what he planned on giving to Ollie.

"This had beter be bloody good Oliver cause i just had to leave McNally in my bed to answer this call and..."

"Sam, it's Boyd" came the voice form the other end of the line "But i'm glad you two finally shacked up. Now if i was the one working with a hot thing like that i can't say i would have waited this long but whatever you..."

"Boyd! What do you want?" Sam said, cutting Boyd off. He was in no mood after having him ruin his perfect morning already.

"Well Sammy boy we, ah, we need to move on this UC thing within the week"

"What? You said i had three weeks and that it was in the early stages?!"

"I know what i said but Jamie Brennan just let some of our undercover guys know that he is getting ready for another job and needs some more people. I can have all of your stuff ready by Monday, you just need to..."

"Boyd, stop. Who says I can do it on such short notice?"

"You're Sam Swarek, UC is your baby, you would never let anything hold you back from that, unless, are you thinking of staying for McNally because i guarantee you man that that thing wont last long. She's holding you back Sam, she's just a girl - You will get over her but you may never get another opportunity to go undercover like this again! Did i mention that it's for 9 months in deep cover? After this you could get on any task force you wanted!"

"And what if I don't want to go undercover again or get assigned on a task force? What then ha?"

"Sam you will regret this"

"Ok, um, can you give me some time to think about it?"

"Fine, but i need to know by tonight wether you are in or not"

"Ok. Bye"

"Bye, oh and Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"If you go under it's no contact whatsoever with anyone form this life. Cover apartment, car, boat, ID's, everything. So think about what you really want, I understand if UC is getting too hard on your life and you want to start settling down or whatever but you just need to know how big this op is, there's no room for distractions or screw ups"

"Got it. Bye"

He has only just gotten Mcnally and now he had to leave her? What kind of fucked up game is the universe trying to play because it's really not very funny.

So he decided he was probably going to say, no make that he WAS going to stay because he finally had a reason to stay. He loved that her and he had made a promise to her, he was in no position to break that promise less than 24 hours later. He climbed back into bed beside McNally and thought of all the ways he was going to ring back Boyd and tell him to shove it.

* * *

"wow" sighed Boyd. They were sitting in Frank's office discussing the details of the op.

"What?" asked Frank, curious as to what had made Boyd speechless

"I think he might actually turn it down"

"Really?" exclaimed Frank just as surprised as Boyd was. He knew Uc was Sam's pride and joy but he also couldn't help but notice the change in his friend ever since McNally had come along. Frank knew Sam loved Andy, even if he was too stubborn to ever admit it to anyone, least of all her. "Does it have anything to do with a one Andy McNally?" asked Frank, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, he was actually in bed with her when I rung him" said Boyd, still trying to get his head around the situation.

"Oh, well in that case do you think we should get someone else lined up?" asked Frank

"No. I know Sam and sooner or later he will come to his senses when he realizes McNally isn't worth it"

* * *

Unbeknownst to Sam, Andy had heard him leave and was able to hear snipets of his conversation. She quickly figured out that he was talking to Boyd and she remembered the UC job that Boyd was setting up. _Oh no. _Was he still going to leave, even after everything that had happened between them? She wasn't sure of the answer but she knew she had to talk to Sam.

She felt him crawl back in beside her and she inched closer to him to get some of his body heat, she was freezing.

"Good morning" He whispered

"Morning" she whispered back.

Sam saw what he thought was an unhappy look on her beautiful face, even with panda eyes form her mascara.

"Is everything ok McNally" he asked softly

"Yeah im fine, why wouldn't I be?" she replied but he knew better than to trust her 'I'm fine'. He also knew better than to push the subject so he just left it, thinking she would talk in her own time and when she was ready.

She got up and showered while he made coffee in the kitchen for the both of hem, nothing like a strong coffee in the morning to wake you up he thought.

A she walked back into the kitchen dressed in her jeans and tank top a sudden thought hit her. He still wants to leave she tight. If i'm the reason he stays then he will resent me. He loves his Uc work and there's no way he's giving that up for just some girl.

"Sam?" she asked hesitantly

"Yeah" he replied

"I heard your conversation with Boyd. Are you still going to leave?" she asked him while trying really hard to keep her voice even and un-shakey .

An expression briefly crossed her face. Oh shit, he thought. Was she regretting last night already? Did she think it was a mistake? He had no idea so he decided to give her an out.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked, hoping that no would be the answer. It had taken a long time to get to where they were now and he didn't want to take steps back but he also understood that last night may have been a heat of the moment thing and that she might not feel as strongly for him as he did for her.

Her heart was screaming _No you idiot, i love you! Please don't leave me _but her head was saying something else.

"Yes" She murmured barley above a whisper.

'I didn't quite catch that" he responded, hoping he hadn't heard her right.

"Yes" She yelled back this time, fighting back the ever present tears. "I want you to go and not look back".

She thought she was doing the right thing.

Her words hurt more than anything she had ever said to him, more than _I'm moving in with Luke_, or _I'm marrying Luke_, or _it was what it was_ and in that instance his heart broke.

"Ok" he simply responded. Sam turned around and left, not looking back because he knew that if he did he would scream out _Andy I love you! Don't go! _even though he was the one leaving. He had honestly thought last night was something special they had both shared, not just him but now he realized that even tough he loved her, she had not felt the same way.

Sam called Boyd later that night and accepted the offer. Within a few hours he had a new ID and everything and as he drove away to his new life he couldn't help but wish things were different. He had broken his promise to her and there was no going back.

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Please review as this is my first ever story and I really appreciate the feedback, good or bad.

I hope to have the next chapter up in the next two weeks, I know what I want to do with it - it's just a case of getting form point a to point b.

Thanks and enjoy :)


	3. Forgetting The Promise

Hey guys, i really appreciate all the reviews for chapter 2 so thanks. I'm really sorry it took so long to get this chapter up!

jh126 - I can see why you might be confused about the promise. I mentioned it in the first chapter but it wasn't a promise that he made to her, more one that he made to himself. I will elobarte more on it in the last chapter though.

To anyone worried about the UC being for 9 months, it is just a coincidence and I do not intend to make Andy pregnant because I don't want it to be another stereotypical fanfic.

And finally to those worried about me putting all the blame on Sam. They were both too stubborn to say how they really felt. I promise you that I wont put all the blame on Sam but you will have to read the rest of the story to see how it all pans out.

Please read and review. Enjoy :)

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That week Andy cried herself to sleep almost every night. He had not loved her and that broke her heart. She wanted to wake up in the mornings warmed by his body heat and fall asleep curled up by his side. She wanted to be in his arms and feel them wrap around her., protect her, not let anyone else into their small world. She missed him, _God_ did she miss him. Even at work, _especially_ at work. Every time she was in the squad car she couldn't help but think back to everything that they had said, talked about.

Her mind wandered back to silly little moments they shared but had been stuck in her mind ever since, a constant reminder of what she may have just thrown away. A chance to be with Sam, a chance to love him, even though she knew she already did. A chance to get to know the_ real_ him. She wanted to know everything about his past, even if it scared her. She wanted to know what he was like as a kid, who was his first kiss, did he go to prom, what were his parents like? _Everything. _

She looked back over to the spot where Sam would normally be sitting and saw Oliver staring at her. She gave him a questioning look and as a tear dropped and formed a wet patch on her sleeve she realized she had been crying, something she had been doing a lot of recently.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked

A few moments passed filled with silence and regret.

"I think I made a mistake oliver. A big one. An unforgivable one and now I cant fix it because he is gone. I told him to leave Oliver and not to look back. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought he would resent me if I was the reason he stayed. I love him and I screwed it up" She was barely holding it together now, just managing to talk in between sobs. "I don't think he loved me though cause he just turned around and walked out. After everything we had been through and the night we shared he just left like it meant nothing to him, like _I_ meant nothing to him".

"Andy, you and I both know that's not true, he..." He was cut off before he could finish

"Oliver, stop. You don't have to try and make me feel better. It was his decision to leave, no one else's. I think I would like it if we just rode back to the station in silence. Is that ok?"

"Yeah sure McNally, whatever you want"

Oliver really wished he could know what the hell Sam had been thinking when he walked out on Andy. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Sam loved her so why would he be so stupid! And why the hell would Andy tell him to leave. He knew that girl had insecurity issues but he was sick of her pushing Sam away, thinking that she knows whats best for him more than he does himself. That's probably why he left - because he thought she wanted him to. _Ah, now it all made sense. _

"Andy did you ever think that maybe the only reason Sam left was because you told him to?"

She didn't reply but he knew she had heard him and they drove the rest of the way back to the station in silence

* * *

As the next week past slowly like a dream she couldn't get Oliver's words out of her head. _Did you ever think that maybe the only reason Sam left was because you told him to. _She realized now that Oliver was probably right. _Had she ruined her chance to finally be happy with Sam?_ And all because she was stupid and insecure. SHe needed to somehow let Sam know that she hadn't wanted him to leave, that she loved him. But she couldn't wait another 8 months. The what if's had been eating her up for the last 4 weeks and she definitely couldn't bear another 8 months of it. But how in the hell could she get in contact with him, she had heard him on the phone when he said he understood that it was in deep cover. New apartment, new ID, no emails or phone calls and the only contact was with Boyd and Frank. Frank! She knew she could trust him and maybe even find a way to get in contact with Sam.

* * *

As Sam pushed open the heavy metal door and entered his cover apartment he was reminded just why he loved UC work so much. Stingy apartments, no showers, no home cooked meals or decent food and no contact with his friends or family. Yep, this was definitely the life.

For he past four weeks he had amerced himself in his new life and job to try and forget about McNally but no matter how hard he tried his thoughts always wandered back to her. And he was making good progress on the job too. He had only been working with Brennan for 4 weeks but he already had his trust and with a couple more weeks of small drug dealings he thought he might be trusted enough to be let in on the big deal that was going down next month. He had heard Brennan and his right hand man discussing the op but hadn't managed to get many of the details. Still, he had a lot to show for only 4 weeks work.

He dumped his jacket and bag on his bed and pulled out the small recording device he had planted in their current drug dealing headquarters. Every night he pulled out the small chip and listened to the day's recordings on his laptop when he got back to the apartment and tonight was no exception despite what had gone down that day.

_They were out on his boat picking up the last shipment of drugs from Brennan to take back to __headquarters. _

_"Great boat you've got there JD"_

_"Yeah it does the job"_

_"Funny thing is though I remember hearing about a high profile drug raid that ended up in a boat exactly like this one being confiscated, it was even called 'Gods good Grace'. _

_"Um yeah well this is that boat"_

_"__Funny, cause i thought after they get confiscated the police take them to use if they need a boat for anything"_

___"Well, um, ah" Shit he really had to think up a cover story and fast. He was just getting Brennan to trust him and he didn't want all his hard work to go down the drain not to mention the fact that if Brennan found out he was a cop he would probably kill him, no, he would kill him. "I got this from a friend who got it at a police auction. Said they had too many unused boats they needed to get rid of so they auctioned them off. He got a really good price for it too, considering how good a condition it was in"_

___"Right, well we had better get all this back to the warehouse then"_

He was relieved that Brennan left it at that but he wasn't sure if he believed his story or not.

He put the chip into his computer and started to take notes on the important stuff so he could ring Boyd later and give him the info, as well as a _what the fuck were you thinking? Giving me a boat seized in a high profile drug raid! _

After listening to the tape for 3 hours he switched it off. He had managed to finally get some details on the deal going down next month, and what a big deal it was! Brennan was getting in a shipment of 750 kilos of cocaine. 750 kilos! That much cocaine had a street value of around 6 million dollars. No wonder they weren't ready to trust a newbee with all the details - they had a lot on the line!

He dialed Boyd's number and it rang 3 times before he picked up. As soon as his voice came on the line he let him have it.

"What the fuck were you thinking? Giving me a shady boat! You could of gotten me killed out there! You are the only one who has my back right now and I would appreciate it if you actually gave a fuck!"

"Calm down Sammy, i know what you are thinking but - "

"Down tell me to calm down and don't call me Sammy! From now on I want to have full contact with Frank and I want him to be my new primary handler because I actually want to come out of this op alive and I cant trust you to do that"

"I think you are overreacting sam but Ok, I will talk to Frank tonight. But first have you got any new information?"

"Lucky for you I do. The next shipment coming in is next month and it will be 750 kilos of cocaine, that's a street value of about 6 million. I don't have any more details at this point but when I do I'll make sure to relay them to Frank"

"Ok, thanks Sam and keep up the good work"

When his eyes closed that night nightmares or McNally plagued his thoughts. She was hit by a car, a train, a bus or she was shot on the job and as the life seeped out of her all she could say was _you never loved me. _

* * *

She walked into Frank's office with a plan in her head. It wasn't a very good one and Frank might not agree to it but she had to try something.

"McNally, what can I do for you?"

"Sir, I am just gonna get straight to the point here. I need some way to get in Contact With Sam"

"McNally, I -"

"Listen, I know what you are going to say but i need you to hear me out ok?" She took his silence as her queue to continue. "I love him, plain and simple but before he went under we had a fight and he doesn't know that i love him, but I need him to know that I do - incase anything happens to him while he is under. Theres a lot of stuff I have to tell him and I can't wait another 8 months for him to return. Frank, if you don't help me I will go and find him. i'm willing to do whatever it takes, even if that means putting myself in danger" She was surprised at how calm she was and how steady her voice had been. She had had a hard time making this decision and se knew it might not be the right one but she had to do it anyway.

"Ok McNally. But what did you have in mind? You know he is in deep cover right and we can't let anything jeopardize this operation"

"I understand that Sir but i was thinking i could write a letter to him. You know, get a private mail box at the post shop so he can collect them from there, there's nothing strange about a guy going to collect his mail after all" She was really proud of the solution she had come up with and it had only taken her 3 sleepless nights to come up with it.

"That sounds like a reasonable idea and since I am Sam's new handler I will allow that. Just give me a few days to get a post box set up. There are some rules I will have to set though. You give the letters to me and I will post them. I won't read the letters but you can't write anything about your job or the fact that you are both cops. If he writes one back I will collect it from the box and give it to you. If at any point though I think it is putting Sam or this operation in danger the letters will have to stop"

"Ok, that sounds fair to me. And thank you Sir, I can't tell you how much this means to me"

"Just don't make me regret my decision McNally, I am going out on a limb here for you"

"I promise you you wont regret it"

That night Andy went home and poured out all her emotions onto a piece of paper. Everything she wished she had said to him went in that letter because she couldn't think about something happening to him and he not knowing how she felt.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed this chapter and i hope to have the next one up within the week. I'm sorry it took so long to get this one up

Please review, all feedback is great :)

Also I am looking for someone to Beta read this story and the future chapters. The last three chapters were not beta read but because i now want to make this story a long one I need someone to just give me a few pointers on plot development and that sort of thing so if you are interested you can put it in your review or PM me. I look forward to hearing form you :)


	4. What Promise?

Hey Guys. Thanks so much for the reviews for the last chapter, I really appreciate them and Love hearing your comments and feedback. Here is the next chapter so I hope you like it

Enjoy :)

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39 days. That's how long it had been since he left McNally. 40 days since the first time they had slept together, that memory never leaving his thoughts. 213 agonizing days till he gets to go home. That's 213 days of hoping and praying that she would still be there when he got back, that he could try and explain to her why he left, how much she means to him. Not like it matters anyway, she had told him to leave. For the past few weeks his nightmares have been the same, every friggen night. And no matter how hard he tries to get her out of his head he just can't do it, he doesn't want to do it.

Walking into the stingy flat he is suddenly met with a strange feeling, like someone has been in his apartment. _Shit! _Quickly reaching for the gun he keeps on him at all times he slowly walks round the corner to the kitchen. He notices some of his papers have been moved and that's when he sees it. A small white piece of paper no bigger than an envelope laying on his kitchen counter, they had clearly wanted him to find it. His heart pounding in his chest he picked up the note and read...

_JD..._

_Private post box number 362 at the dairy on the corner of Blackmore and Philips_

_F._

He knew instantly from the handwriting and lone F. at the end who the note was from, Frank. What he wasn't sure about was the post box. Why did he need a post box? He didn't get any mail and if he needed to contact Frank he could just ring him. He made a mental note to take a walk there tomorrow but for now he had work to do. All last week had past without any further details of the operation and he once again slipped the chip into the computer and listened to the days recordings.

"The supplier is having difficult getting the goods. He had to shoot his middle man after they realized he had been ripping them off so now he has to find a new guy. That will put us back about 2 weeks but other than that we are all go"

"Ok. let me know who they new guy is so I can rough him up a little, you know, let him know we don't want to be messed around"

"Sure thing boss"

After ringing Frank that night to relay the information he climbed into bed, exhausted. But no matter how tired he was he had barely been asleep an hour before he was awoken again by the terrible nightmares plaguing his thoughts.

The next morning he woke bright and early to go for a walk to the dairy to find out what this post box was about. He walked into the dairy and was greeted by a friendly old man who he soon learned was the store owner. He inquired about the post box and was told that one had been set up 3 days ago and a letter had been delivered to it. He was handed a key and he thanked the old man. Walking out to the post box he was curious as to why we would be getting a letter. When he put the key in the lock and opened the door he saw a single white envelope laying down in the otherwise empty box. Slowly picking it up he almost stopped breathing when he saw his name written on the front, or more importantly whose hand writing it was. It was McNally's. he tucked the letter into his jacket and practically ran back to his apartment, he wanted to be alone when he opened it - unsure of what exactly was inside.

Pushing open the door he entered the apartment and pulled the letter from his pocket. He sat for a moment on the edge of his bed collecting his thoughts before he tore open the envelope. 3 pages fell out in his lap and he picked them up and started to read. He could barely hear himself with the pounding of his chest.

_Sam_

_It seems that every time I start to write this letter I can't get past the first sentence, so I scrunch it up and throw it in the bin, my bin which is now filled with paper with one sentence printed on it. When I started writing I had all these ideas of what I was going to say but now those thoughts escape me._

_I guess I will start with the most important one. I'm not sure when I realized this, whether it was a million small things that led up to it or one moment but I guess what i'm trying to say is Sam, I love you. I know that this is something I should be telling you in person but that is a little hard right now and I need you to know. In case something happens to you, I need you to know, that I love you with all my heart and soul._

_When you left after that night we spent together for the first time I didn't want you to go. But I thought that if I was the reason you stayed then you would come to resent me. You said it yourself, UC is your baby. Not that I am blaming you, I just didn't know if that night meant as much to you as it did to me. I haven't been able to forget that night. Every night I fall asleep all I can think about is you. The way you touched me that set my skin on fire. The way you tasted. How that night I fully understood what making love meant. The way you held me in your arms afterwards. Sam, you made me, make me, feel things I have never felt before. You make me feel loved, wanted and alive. Alive. All my life I have felt as though some small part of me was missing and now that I have found that part I can't seem to live without it. You. I realize how incredibly cheesy this is probably sounding right now and I also realize that you may not feel the same way but I couldn't go another day without telling you. So I am telling you now._

_With all my love, Andy_

It was at this point that he noticed the small waterstains on the page, no doubt made by McNally's tears.

A million thoughts were racing through his mind but one was stuck there. She loves me. She actually loves me.

Why the hell did I leave? Why the hell did I give her a way out? I should of just asked her what that night meant for him, them.

I should of told her I loved her.

He could count on one hand the amount of times he had screwed up this badly with a woman, thrown something away out of sheer stupidity. Even then he would still have 5 fingers left over because he had never loved anyone like he does her, never felt this way about a girl before. He had never had anything that came close to what he has, had with McNally. He wasn't entirely sure where this put them. Yeah he loved her too but would she wait around for another 8 months while he continued with the op? He didn't think it fair to ask her to do that. He was even more confused now than he was before so he did the only thing he could think of. He grabbed out some paper and poured his heart out onto the page, just like McNally had done. He owed her that much.

That night was the first night he managed to sleep longer than 3 hours without being woken up by horrible nightmares plaguing his thoughts.

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Hope you guys liked it and pleeeeeeeease review :)


	5. A Promise Forever

Hey there guys :) I am really sorry it took me so long to put up this chapter but school has been hectic.

Please review for me, I really love reading your comments and all the great feedback, even if it is criticism.

Enjoy :)

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All week she had been nervous. Nervous enough that she had to go and change her shirt, again, because she had sweated through the last 2. She knew it was stupid. He might not be able to write back, he might not _want_ to write back, but despite the fact that she had these thoughts on repeat in her head she still had the tiniest bit of hope that he would. That that night wasn't just about sex.

She had managed to finish up all her paperwork and was in the locker rooms changing in record time. Gail, Traci and the others were all going to the Penny for a drink but she wasn't in the mood. She would rather go home to an empty house and eat a tub of ice cream. Everyone, including her, had noticed how much less she had begun to smile ever since Sam left. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Sam had always been the one to make her smile. No matter what they were talking about he always had a way to make her break out in the biggest grin, this in turn always made him smile back. She missed his smile, his dimples, they he looked at her - like he never seen a more beautiful girl in his whole life. _Well you screwed that one up pretty good, didn't you McNally._

She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around to see Frank standing there. "McNally I need to see you in my office, now. _Oh crap, what have I done now?_ As she followed him into his office she suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to turn the lights on the cruiser off. This would be the third time this week month and Frank was starting to get really pissed off, the night crew coming in and giving him an earful because they went to use the cruiser but it wouldn't start because the battery was flat. How was she going to talk her way out of this one?

Frank closed the door and walked around behind his desk where he took a seat.

"McNally I..."

"Sir I know and I'm really sorry, it's just that it was a really hectic shift and I completely forgot but i will pay to get a new battery if it's already flat and ..."

"McNally that isn't what this is about but maybe that's something we need to talk about next shift"

"Oh, sorry. What is this about then?"

"This came for you today" He held out a white envelope for her take and she saw her name written on the front. _It's Sam's handwriting. _She recognized his writing straight away thanks to all the forms of his she had to redo because of his illegible handwriting.

"So he is allowed to reply then?"

"Yes, if he wants to, but just as before all communication will go through me and you can't discuss anything work related"

"Thank you so much sir. Is that all? I kinda want to go home and read this"

"Sure thing McNally. Oh, and on your way out please can you turn the lights off on the cruiser before the battery goes dead, again"

"Um, yeah, sorry about that again"

"Just don't let it happen again"

"Ok, have a nice night sir"

"You to McNally"

She practically ran all the way home after that, wanting to read the letter alone, incase it was him saying 'you screwed up and it can't be fixed this time' or 'maybe I gave you the wrong impression but I don't want anything between us' or worse yet 'it was what it was, let's try not to over think it'.

Her hands were shaking as she tore open the letter and began to read...

_Andy_

_I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I walked away from you, from us. That was by far the biggest mistake I have ever made and I will forever regret it. I need you to understand that I didn't leave because I wanted to though, I left because i thought you wanted me to. I know I shouldn't have given you an out but I was scared more than I have ever been in my life, sacred that you wouldn't love me as much as I love you, scared that I might fuck it up and ruin our friendship and most of all I was scared because of the way you made, make me, feel. You have to understand something, The way I feel about you, I have never felt like this before. Two years was all it took for you to break down the walls I have been putting up my whole life, and that scared the crap out of me. Two years for me to fall helplessly in love with you._

_I ordered a pizza the other night and even though I asked for extra pineapple the seemed to forget it all together. That reminded me of the night we sat on my floor eating __pizza, you picking the pineapple off like a fussy child and when I asked you what you were doing you simply said "fruit does not belong on a pizza, if i want something healthy then i will eat a salad but when I want something all greasy and fatty I expect it not to be covered in fruit". These memories come to me at the weirdest time. Like when I walk into a room and get a waft of vanilla and strawberries and it reminds me of the way you smell, obviously where I am living at the moment this doesn't happen very often but, yeah. _

_I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. I miss your smile and your laugh and the way you used to lick the frothy cream off the top of your coffee. And I guess what i am trying to say is that, Andy, I need you. I need you like I need my next breath and if I can't have you or you don't want to be with me then I get that and I know that I can't give you what Luke could - stability and solidness but I can give you my heart and I am willing to do so if you want it. I know it's unfair to ask you to wait for me, 8 months is a long time and nobody knows that more than me. 8 months till I get to see your beautiful face and __maybe hold you in my arms again. And so I understand if you want to move on and get on with your life but please just think about me, us, and if you can live without me, because i sure as hell know I can't live without you._

_With all my love, Sam_

A huge wave of relief washed over her. This was the most he had ever spoken about his feelings and she was grateful for that because she now knew what she wanted and what she wanted was him.

Reading his letter had given her an idea so she grabbed her camera out of her wardrobe and started taking pictures. The first one of her eating pizza, a gross look on her face as she picked off the pineapple. The next one was of her with a cream mustache. The third one was her smile. She hoped that once he saw these it would make him smile, that it would give him something to look forward to for the next 8 months.

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Nothing to report to Frank, again, and so he turned in early. He was finally sleeping better now that he had told McNally how he felt. He just hoped that she wouldn't run or worse yet move on with her life. He was beginning to wonder why he ever got into UC work. At first it was because he enjoyed the thrill and adrenaline rush that came from being someone else, from muscling his way into the lives of unsuspecting criminals, but after that it became more about what he didn't have. What he didn't have was any reason to stay. Sure there was Sarah and Jerry and Oliver but they didn't really need him all that much, all with their own families now. He had never stayed in one place long enough for a serious relationship and so that was never something he had to worry about, until now. Now he made another promise to himself and to McNally, that this would be his last ever undercover operation.

Little did he know that this was one promise that he would be able to keep, forever, for reasons he never saw coming.

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I hope you like the sentence I added at the end, make of it what you will but something dark and sinister is coming and that is all I am going to say.

Please review in the little box at the bottom of the page :)

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.


	6. I Promise To Wait

Hey there guys :)

A usual please read and review. I have noticed that as I add more chapters the amount of reviews is getting less and less, I'm not sure wether thats because you are loosing interest in the story or what but please, please, please review :)

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He was finally making some progress. All week long he had been asked to help with the logistics and planning for the major drop and so he finally had some detail about where, when and with whom it was going to happen. That is why he had been really surprised when Brennan said he had the next weekend off. No small drug runs, nothing.

He was also in a really good mood. Finally he had a letter from McNally. Everyday for the past week he had been walking home via the dairy so he could check for mail in his post box and everyday it had been empty, leaving a feeling of disappointment and regret in his stomach. That was until today, when he opened the small metal door to the box and found inside another white envelope with his name printed on the front. He couldn't help but break out in the worlds biggest smile when he found this, these letters from McNally being the best thing in his shitty life right now.

He knew that it could be one letter that would end whatever 'this' was between them, her saying that she wouldn't wait for him or that she had moved on but he still had this weird feeling in the pit of his stomach, like no matter what the letter said, everything was going to work out for the best.

Instead of walking back to his apartment though, he walked to the park he had seen a couple of days earlier. It was a big one with lots of trees and a big pond in the middle. Lots of kids running around, feeding the ducks and swinging on the playground. He liked getting out of the stuffy apartment that he now called his home and getting some fresh air.

Sitting down on a wooden park bench just across from the pond, he opened the letter. A handwritten page and another small envelope fell out. The envelope had writing on the front

_Please open only after reading the letter_

So he picked up the letter and began to read, his heart hammering away loudly in his chest.

_Sam_

_Thank you__. _

_Thank you for finally telling me how you feel. I know it mustn't have been very easy for you because that is the most you have ever spoken about your feelings, ever. _

_I understand what you meant when you said that memories come to you at the weirdest times, it's the same for me. Yesterday I went to that chinese place just round the corner from your house with Traci and Gail (I think I have them hooked now), and anyway it reminded me of all those nights we sat in the exact sam booth and ate chinese and how the first time we went there and got fortune cookies, how you read your's out first and it said 'the object of your desire comes closer' and then you said 'in bed'. I remember how I couldn't stop laughing because I thought you were too old to know you were supposed to say 'in bed' after. _

_Anyway, I guess what I am saying is Sam, I will wait for you, of course I will wait for you. I promise to wait for you. I love you and the more time I spend away from you the stronger these feelings get. God, I miss you soo much and I'm literally counting down the days till I get to see you next. You said in your letter how much you miss me and my smile so in the envelope I have something that will hopefully help get you through the next 7 and a bit months. I cant wait till I get to see those sexy dimples and smoldering eyes again so be safe and don't do anything stupid. I love you._

_Forever and always, Andy_

He picked up the other envelope and started to open it, wondering what on earth she had put in it. The biggest smile, ever, broke out on his face when 3 photos fell into his lap. Picking up the first one he let out a laugh as he looked at it, something he hadnt done in a long time since starting the op. It was a picture of McNally eating a piece of pizza with her face screwed up, it had pineapple on it. The second one was of her with a giant fluffy cream mustache and he remembered what he had written in his letter. The final picture was something that made his heart flutter. It was her face with a giant smile plastered on it. He had never seen her look more beautiful, he thought. The light reflected on her face in such a way that it made her look young and perfect.

He wasn't sure how longs he sat there on the park bench, staring at the precious photo in his hand. Finally, when the sun started to set on the horizon causing a beautiful sunset reflection on the pond, he tucked the photo into his wallet and slipped the letter into the back pocket of his jeans.

Returning to his apartment, the first thing he did when he got back was pull out his phone and ring his cousin. He needed to see McNally and he had next weekend off so he wanted to spend it with her. He knew how much trouble he, they, could get on for doing this, so, it had to be somewhere out of the city but close enough so that if Brennan needed him he would be within a few hours drive, hence why he was ringing his cousin, Mark.

Mark had a small cottage in a tiny town not far from here. They used to have family vacations there as children, going to the beach that wasn't too far away and spending all day playing in the surf and building sandcastles. It was one of the few happy memories he still had from his childhood.

After talking to Mark for an hour, catching up with what each other had been up to, after all it had probably been about 5 years since they'd spoken, Mark agreed to let him use the cottage for the weekend. So, Sam sat down and wrote a letter back to McNally, he knew she might say no, that it was too big a risk, that they were being stupid, that it would probably ruin his uc op but he didn't care. All he could think about was getting to see her pretty face again. Tell her again how sorry he is for having left her. Make love to her and show her just how much she means to him. Getting to hold her and fall asleep with her in his arms.

He probably should have waited till the next day to post the letter, it was after all about 11pm, but he just needed to send it, before his head caught up with his heart and told him not to do it, not to send it.

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I'n sorry it's such a short chapter this time but I just wanted to get it out.

Let me know what you think and please review :)


	7. Forbidden Promises

Hello again guys :) Here is chapter 7 so enjoy.

And please review, the number of reviews is still getting less and less :/

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Frank was sick, which meant that she would probably have to wait an extra week for a reply from Sam, if there even was one that is. _This shift is going to be a long one. _Thank god it was her last one before she had the whole weekend off. Walking into the locker room she dumped her bag and undid the combination lock on her locker. As she opened the door an envelope fell out. It was white with her name written on the front like all the others, it was from Sam. Bending down quickly to pick it up she hoped no-one had seen it. She wasn't very subtle though and Traci snatched it up from the floor before Andy knew what was happening.

"Got a secret admirer Andy, leaving notes in your locker?" She laughed as the started to open the envelope.

_Crap,_ this was _not_ good. She hadn't told Traci about her letter writing to Sam and she didn't plan on it either, knowing it would probably result in a_ how could you be so stupid? _look and a long lecture on endangering an undercover operation, neither of which she particularly needed right now.

"Traci. Don't you _dare_ open that. Give it to me _now!_" She used her stern voice which she reserved only for suspects and when Sam was stealing her food.

"Why, something you not telling me about?" she asked suspiciously. Now she really wanted to know what was in the envelope.

"No, it's just..." She was cut off by the familiar sound of tearing paper. She had opened the envelope.

She watched in horror as Traci proceeded to pull out the contents which consisted of one hand written page and a photo, obviously in response to the ones she had sent him. She watched nervously as the look on Traci's face changed from confusion to realization as she read the letter out loud

_"Andy _

_Thank you for the pictures, they made my day or should I say my whole undercover op so far. Wow, I had almost forgotten how beautiful your smile and eyes were, thanks for reminding me..."_

Traci didn't finish though, obviously becoming aware that this was a deeply personal letter.

"What the hell Andy?" She asked in disbelief "You''re writing love letters to Swarek?"

"Well, no, not really. They aren't love letters Traci" She took the opportunity to snatch the letter and photo back out of her hand.

"Then what are they Andy?"

"Well ok they might be love letters but it's not like.." Traci cut her off again

"How could you be so stupid. He is working deep undercover and here you are breaching it. I don't even want to know how you two are managing this. Does Frank know?"

"Yeah, he's actually the only reason I can do this. Frank is Sam's new handler and so he posts the letters to a private mailbox for Sam and Sam posts replies back to Frank who gives them to me"

"Wow, ok, so you have the whole gang in on this except me?" This was a trace of hurt in her voice

"NO. It's not like that Traci. The only people that know is Frank, Sam and me, the less that know the better"

"That still doesn't explain why you are writing letters to each other, care to explain?" She knew there was no way she was getting out of this one

"Well we sorta slept together the night before he left on the uc op and he only left because I told him to and then I realized I made a mistake but it was too late so I asked Frank to help me get in contact with him so we sorta just started writing letters" she managed to get it all out before Traci erupted"

"You slept with Swarek and you didn't even tell me?!

"Traci I'm sorry, I didn't think it mattered cause then next day he left but then we started with the letters and he told me he regretted leaving and that he loved me so..."

"Wait, he told you he loved you?"

"Um yeah" she couldn't tell wether or not Traci was still angry at her.

"Aww Andy that's so great! I'm so happy for you!" Well that answered her last question.

"Yeah, it is. I'm really really sorry for not telling you..." The locker room door suddenly opening cut her off. It was Jerry.

"Nash, I need your help on a case now" seeing it was urgent she leaned over to Andy and said "This is not over, I want all the details after shift" she then walked out of the locker room with Jerry, leaving her alone.

She decided she couldn't wait until the end of shift to read the letter so she sat down on one of the benches and continued from where Traci stopped

_I've come to the realization that I can't survive another 7 months without seeing you. I have this weekend off and I'm going to be spending it at my cousins cottage in Belleville, I wrote the address down on the back of here. Anyway, I want to spend the weekend with you there. I know by the time you get this it will be to late to reply so I will be there waiting for you. I understand if you decide not to come but I just really need to see you._

_love Sam_

Wow. She definitely had not been expecting that. Picking up the photo there was writing on the back

_Since you find my dimples so irresistibly sexy... _

And sure enough the photo was of him smiling, dimples on full display.

She had no idea wether or not she was going to meet him. She really wanted to see him but he was undercover and Frank had made it very clear that they were not to have any contact other than the letters. They were already putting the op in jeopardy and she didn't want to put Sam in any danger.

However at the end of shift, instead of going to the Penny for drinks, she found herself walking back to her apartment. Here she quickly threw a few clothes and toiletries into a bag and ordered a taxi. It was already 9 pm and she wasn't sure how long Sam was going to wait. Besides, she didn't want to waste any time that they could instead be spending together.

Sitting in the backseat of the taxi her nerves started to get the better of her and she was no longer sure if she was doing the right thing. She started to wonder if it was a mistake and she should just turn around. Making up her mind she hoped that Sam would forgive her for what she was about to do.

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As always I hope you enjoyed and please review

Thanks for reading, you guys are awesome :)


	8. Breaking Rules To Fulfill Promises

Hey there guys :)

I'm so sorry it took me so long to write and update this chapter!

Please read and review :)

So excited for season 4 - only 52 days left!

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It was nearing midnight and he had given up trying to stay awake while waiting. He was almost positive that she wasn't coming, but yet he still couldn't lift himself from the couch to sleep in a proper bed. Every time he tried to get up something in his head told him 5 more minutes, just wait five more minutes. That was over an hour ago. Instead he had resorted to throwing an old blanket over himself, grabbing a pillow and falling asleep on the couch. There was nothing to distract him from the emptiness he felt, no Tv, no books, the only thing that had kept him occupied since he arrived this afternoon was cooking dinner, for the two of them, which was now sitting on the counter top long since cold. He hadn't been able to stomach anything though, his nerves getting the better of him every time he tried to eat a little bit of it, not wanting it to go to waste.

He awoke with a start when bright headlights shone through his window, illuminating the whole living room. Hearing the sound of approaching tires he tried not to get his hopes up, three other small cottages used the same driveway as his and he had already had two false alarms so far. He pried himself from the couch and sure enough it was just another neighbor, although they could hardly be called neighbors, with the closest house to the small cottage he was in, being two miles away. Flopping back down on the couch he gave up fighting off the tiredness and was asleep in minutes. Being undercover was taking its toll and him and he never remembered it being this hard, maybe it was just because this time he actually had something he was leaving behind when he left. Something that plagued his thoughts every waking minute and rendered him sleepless at night.

He awoke, startled, just a measly 20 minutes later to the sound of car doors slamming. Making his way to the wooden front door, what alerted him to her presence was the soft but nervous voice wafting through the old and withered cracks in the door from outside. McNally was here. She had come.

He had barely opened the door and taken one step outside when she ran up to him and wrapped her arms around him in a suffocating embrace, nearly knocking him off balance, but he didn't care, because she was here and she had come. "Hey" she whispered softly in his ear and it took him a moment to recover from hearing her voice again, it had been so long and it had missed hearing it like she wouldn't believe. "Hi" he whispered back into her hair, stray brown hairs tickling his nose.

"I didn't think you were going to show" He was a bit confused as to why she was so late. Even if she had worked the afternoon shift they would have been done by eight, nine at the latest.

"Neither did I" He pulled back a bit to look at her, arms still encircling her waist. "I'm sorry I'm so late Sam. It's just that I got halfway here before turning around and driving all the way home and then while I was sitting at home, alone in my apartment, I realized what a huge mistake I was making by giving up the only opportunity I might have to see you so I got back in another cab and even though I may have used my badge to ask him to break the law by driving over the speed limit he still wouldn't go over a hundred and ten the whole way here and I was really worried that you would have given up waiting for me and left by now but here I am and here you are, so, yeah" She exhaled a huge breath after finishing her incredibly long explanation of why she was late, but all Sam could do was laugh and smirk at her.

"S'okay Andy, I knew you would come" although he was obviously trying to come across as confident he was failing miserably, she detected the nervousness in his voice straight away.

"Oh you did, did you?" She was a lot calmer now than she had been on the drive here, just being held by him that effect on her.

"Yeah. No one in their right mind can resist these dimples for eight months" and with that he smiled a full on dimpled smile at her. This elicited a laugh out of her which in turn made something in his hear flutter slightly, _god I missed that,_ he thought, and it was only when she asked "What?" that he realized he'd said it out loud.

No point in denying it now so he simply replied "Your laugh" But that didn't seem anywhere _close_ enough to expressing exactly what he had missed, so he continued, egged on by the intrigue and interest in McNally's eyes "Your smile. The soft sound of your voice. Your beautiful face and eyes. Being able to hold you. Feeling your arms wrapped around me. This.." and with that he slowly leaned in and kissed her feather soft and delicate lips. This elicited what he could only describe as a quiet and gentle moan from her lips. Deepening the kiss while her fingers curled in his hair, he hoped it would convey just how much he had missed everything about her.

Feeling her shiver under her touch he ran his hands up and down her arms to discover that they were covered in goosebumps, bringing him back to where they were standing right now - in what would be described as a far cry from summer weather with a cold and chilling-to-the-bone wind blowing around them.

Breaking the kiss that rendered him breathless he spoke softly into her ear, the cold pink tops of which brushed his lips as he whispered "Lets get you inside". Grabbing her small bag from the spot on the gravel where the taxi driver had left it, he led her up the steps and into the warm and cosy cottage that awaited them.

Leading her inside her eyes scanned the room as she took in the surroundings of the intimate setting the small and secluded cottage provided for them. "This is great Sam" she said to him, only to notice that he was standing in another room - the moonlight casting shadows on his dark silhouette, dancing in the minimal light. He was placing her bag in the bedroom. It was then that she noticed the two plates on the kitchen counter, no doubt dinner that he made and intended on eating with her. "Oh Sam, I'm so sorry I didn't get here sooner" He was now standing in the doorway, watching her as she spoke "It's just that I didn't want to put you in any danger and I thought the letters were already pushing it so I thought that maybe I could just survive on them but I missed you so much..." In the last few moments of her ranting he had walked over to where she was standing and wrapped his arms around her in a tight and reassuring hug "Shh, it's ok Andy. It probably wouldn't have tasted very good anyway" This evoked a small giggle from her lips. Brushing his thumb lightly over her check he brushed away the tears that she didn't realize she was even shedding. "It's fine, I don't care about that. I just care that you came and you are here and now we can just forget about all that other stuff, if only for a couple of days" she nodded slowly into his chest.

The next hour she spent filling him in on what was happening back at 15th division, her legs sprawled in his lap while they sat on the surprisingly comfy couch. "Oh and Jerry told me to tell you that you missed a great game of poker last week, apparently oliver put in all of his last weeks paycheck and then folded on a pair of jacks only to find that Jerry had a pair of threes" This made Sam laugh, vibrating through her bones. "So Jerry knows that you have contact with me?" He wasn't entirely sure who she had told but he thought it was something they were meant to be keeping between them and Best - he was already going out on a limb for them and they didn't want to screw it up or get him in any trouble. "Yeah, well I mean I didn't tell him or anything but Traci found one of my letters and opened it and sort of figured out the rest from there, you know it was a bit hard to deny since you included a photo of your dimples and all, and I guess she told Jerry" "Haha so it was the irresistible dimples that got us caught..." before Sam could finish though she let out a huge yawn, the emotional and long day finally catching up with her. "Hey, we have all day tomorrow to talk about this but how about for now we just get some sleep? She smiled and nodded, sleeping was the last thing she wanted to do with him right now but she was stuffed.

She let him pick her up off the couch and carry her to the bedroom, gently placing her on the bed. "Where are your Pajamas?" he asked her and she pointed to the front pocket of her bag. Zipping it open he pulled out an old academy t-shirt, too old to be hers, and then her recognized it "Is this mine, I've been wondering where it went?" and he would swear he saw her blush at this, pink spreading from her neck to her flush red cheeks "Um yeah, it is. You left it at mine when you left and I couldn't bear to get rid of it" his eyebrows shot up at this, looking for further explanation. She simply shrugged her shoulders "It smells like you" then she corrected herself "Or at least it did, before I wore it to bed every night and it lost it's smell" A weird warm feeling spread out through his chest when he heard this "Well you don't need it anymore since tonight you have the real thing"

Still, she got up from the bed and grabbed it out of his hands "I'm still wearing it though" and she gave him a look like_ just try and stop me. _Stripping off her jeans and tank top, she unclasped the back of her bra and noticed sam starring at her "See something you like, officer swarek?" she asked with raised eyebrows "Nothing I haven't seen already" he replied. She pulled the t-shirt on over her head and climbed in beneath the covers. Sam, having already stripped down to his boxers, climbed in beside her and pulled her towards him, so that her back was nuzzled in against his chest. She was warm against his skin, another thing he had missed - skin to skin contact with her. "I love you" he murmured into her ear, whilst placing small tender kisses along her neck. "I love you too" she whispered back. He was asleep within minutes, the first time he had done so within the time he had been under.

You know when you have those moments, that no matter what happens, you know you will remember this one for as long as you live. Every single little detail, and that nothing will ever dull that memory? Well that's how she felt right now, that no matter what happens when she leaves and he goes back under that she will always remember this moment right here. The way his body fits perfectly against hers - like they were meant to be. The way it feels to be lulled to sleep by the sound of his heart beat, steady and constant. How she has never felt more safe in her entire life than she does right now, encircled by his arms into a world that only exists between them. They way it feels to be held by the person you can't imagine going a day without while you sleep. She would tuck these precious memories into the deepest confines of her mind where they would stay locked and hidden forever. Only to be accessed by her when the need to replay and feel those memories becomes too great.

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Sorry if you think this chapter was a bit on the sappy side but I just finished re-watching eps 2x09 - 2x13 before I sat down and wrote this so I was in a bit of a mood and also I felt I owed it to you guys to write some cute and happy stuff before I turn it all dark and tragic on you. Hope that didn't give away too much :/

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	9. Imposible Promises

Wow, I'm soooooo sorry it's taken me this long to update! I've just had a huge case of writers block and this chapter was a bit of a struggle for me so sorry if it's not quite what you were expecting.

Please read and review, all review are appreciated - even critical ones :)

Enjoy! :)

* * *

She awoke the next morning and reached over expecting to find a warm body beside her, instead her fingers brushed over the lukewarm cotton sheets, a promising sign that she hadn't just dreamt last night and someone had actually slept in the bed beside her.

"Sam?" she called out

"Pancakes will be ready soon McNally so feel free to take a shower while you wait" he yelled back from the kitchen

What she really wanted was Sam to come back to bed but the grumbling of her stomach reminded her of just how hungry she was. Pulling back the covers she climbed out of bed and padded over to her bag where she grabbed a few toiletries and headed to the bathroom. Ten minutes later and she was emerging from a very hot and relaxing shower, the pressure wasn't actually as shit as she thought it might be. Walking back out to her bag it was then that she realized she had no idea what Sam had planned for today so she wasn't sure what to wear. WOuld they be spending all day inside, wrapped up in their own little world? Or would they be taking a walk on the nearby beach?

Throwing on a bra and pair of undies she toweled off her hair as much as she could and walked out of he bedroom in search of Sam. She spotted him from the doorway, he was in the kitchen flipping pancakes over the small stove wearing nothing but his boxers. It had been a while since she had seen him like this so she had to take a deep breath before walking over and plopping herself down on the countertop next to Sam. If he was comfortable wearing nothing but boxers for breakfast then maybe she could just spend all day walking around in next to nothing?

The real reason he had gotten out of bed early to make pancakes when he had wanted nothing more than to spend all day in bed with McNally? Lets just say he woke in the morning with a pretty embarrassing situation. He couldn't help it though, not with the warm body he loved sleeping all night curled up against him, her warm and soft skin constantly in contact with his. So, before she woke he rectified the situation by busying himself with making pancakes for her, they were her favorite and he knew she wouldn't be able to resist. What he hadn't counted on though was her emerging from the bedroom, wet hair stuck to her back, flushed face, wearing nothing but a bra and panties and then planting herself on the nearest surface to watch him make breakfast.

He was done with the last batch so he flipped then onto two plates and proceeded to pile hers up with whipped cream, something else he knew she couldn't resist. Back when they had still been 'friends' and met for breakfast some mornings before shift, he had watched in disgust as she had literally just squeezed the whipped cream straight from the can into her mouth.

"What? You like a little pancake with your whipped cream McNally, don't you?" He asked. He was teasing her now, trying to lighten the mood a little because as soon as she had walked it the room he would swear the temperature had gone up about twenty degrees and she was now staring at him with a very intense look on her face. "Not the only thing I like whipped cream with" she replied in a low and seductive tone. He tried to ignore her comment and the meaningful glances she was throwing his way and continued to put some cream on top of his.

When he got some of the cream on his finger, he reached for the cloth to wipe it off, apparently McNally had other ideas though. Instead she said "Here Sam, let me" and she took his hand, bringing it to her mouth where she gently licked and sucked the cream from his fingers, faking an innocent look on her face whilst doing so. And if he wasn't hard already then he certainly was now.

Taking a few steps closer so he was now standing between her legs, he reclaimed his fingers and gently pressed his mouth to hers. Wrapping her legs tightly around his waist she deepened the kiss, fighting with his tongue for control.

_God, _she was so warm and soft and he felt her practically melt against his touch. He had gone so long without this and now he had it all he could think about was how tomorrow he would loose it all again. He wrapped his arms protectively around her and carried her to the bedroom where he placed her gently on the bed. "You're so perfect" he murmured into her hair, just loud enough for her to hear. "After this I'm done Andy, I swear. You and me are gonna buy a nice little house with a white picket fence and a dog and live happily ever after" They were now moving together, completely in sinc with the other, both holding each other in a death grip - Not willing to let go. " As long as I'm with you Sam, I don't care about any of that other stuff" now was really not the opportune moment for a deep heart to heart but they both had things to say that needed to be said, not written. They came together, both whispering sweet nothing's into the air. A lot of "I love you"'s being thrown around, neither of them sure where one ended and the other began because in that moment they were one soul.

An hour later and they were still in bed, Andy asleep in his arms while he stroked her hair and whispered to her "A little girl with your eyes and my dimples, she would be unstoppable. Grace, yeah, I've always wanted a little girl called Grace. Actually no, that's not true, I never thought about kids until I met you. I remember sitting in the cruiser one day, watching you eating a bag of gummy bears, and suddenly imaging waking up with you as my wife, two children running around the backyard.

Someday.

Soon."

It was just going on 3pm when Andy came to and realized she had spent the best part of the day sleeping.

Removing herself from his chest she sat up "God Sam! Why didn't you wake me? We have one day left together and I'm spending most of it sleeping!"

He smiled and pulled her back down, resting his head on the top of hers "you looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you, and anyway, I don't mind spending my time holding you while you sleep in fact it's now one of my favorite things to do"

She smiled into his chest "Well I had better get up now anyways or I won't be able to sleep tonight"

He laughed "You won't be sleeping tonight If I have any say in it"

"Smooth Sam" And she brought her face up to meet his, kissing him with all the fire and passion she could manage without getting carried away. "Do you maybe want to go for a walk on the beach?" She asked

"I don't care what we do, as long as I am with you"

* * *

Four and a half hours later and they were still laying on the beach, wrapped up in each other, watching the sun go down. The sunset was one of the most beautiful she had ever seen and it really was the perfect end to a perfect day. However, they had both been avoiding the topic for long enough so she decided now was as good a time as any to bring it up.

"Sam, as much as I don't want to, I have to go home tomorrow morning and you have to go back under for god knows how long"

"I know" he replied calmly

"I know? That's it, that's all your going to say?" To be honest, she was a little bit angry at how unaffected he seemed by the thought of not seeing each other for quite some time when inside, it was killing her.

"We both knew this was trouble when we started, don't get me wrong I don't regret any of it - not one second. But after this I have to go back under and we can't see each other again till I'm done with this op. I just don't want to make it any harder than what it has to be" He replied

"It's already going to be hard" She whispered into his chest, avoiding looking at him in the eye for fear of not being able to hold it together any longer.

"I know sweetheart but we will still be able to write. When I get back into the job I'm gonna be quite busy for the first couple of weeks but I will write you a letter exactly 14 days from now, how does that sound? I might even be able to tell you when I'm coming home"

"Ok" but she didn't sound convinced

"There will be something special in this one too, I was going to bring it with me this weekend but it wasn't ready in time"

_ It's still at the god damn jewelers_ he thought to himself

She smiled when she heard there would be a surprise "I'll be waiting by the letter box"

"I love you Andy, you're it for me" He didn't want this perfect weekend to come to an end. He wanted to stay here, forever, with her.

"I love you too"

* * *

The alarm was set for seven the next morning, she was working the day shift but had managed to get a late start. Hearing the shrill sound of the alarm she groaned and sat up to turn it off. Sam, however, had different plans. Pulling her back down he whispered to her "just ten more minutes".

She hated having to leave but she was already pushing it by setting the alarm for seven instead of six. "As much as I want to, we both know I can't"

"I know" He sat up in and looked her in the eye "I'm gonna miss you"

A single tear escaped her eye and trickled down her cheek. Quickly brushing it away she pulled back the covers and removed herself from the bed because she knew is she stayed any longer she wouldn't be able to leave, ever.

Ten minutes later and there was a cab waiting for her in the driveway, Sam holding her in a tight hug on the front porch, neither willing to let go. "I have to go Sam" she said softly.

"I love you, I'll see you soon. I promise" he muttered into her hair

"I love you too" she managed to choke out between trying to hold it together and keep back the flood of tears that were already starting to flow.

she pulled back to look him in the eye and with a quick but meaningful kiss she pulled broke away from the embrace and got into the waiting cab. If she stayed any longer she just knew she would beg him to come with her and she knew he would have trouble saying no, but she couldn't offer him an ultimatum like that.

Into was only when they were away from the house that she let herself finally breakdown. Sobs wrecking her body as she cried into her hands and her whole body shook. Taking one last glance out the back window she saw Sam still standing on the porch, waving slowly at her.

Both were saying thee goodbyes that neither realized would be quite so final.

* * *

PLEEEEEEEASE REVIEW! They really make me want to write and update faster so if I get lots of reviews I will try and get the next chapter up very soon :)

Thanks so much for reading and sticking with this story :)


	10. Promises Bringing Danger

Hey there :)

This is the second to last chapter for this story so there will be one more after this one :( I know, Sad to see it coming to an end but I have loved writing it for all of you out there who have read it.

Enjoy and please don't forget to review :)

* * *

The days were passing ever so slowly. 12 days back and he had thrown himself into work, not stopping for a minute to rest because the moment he stopped his mind always took him back to the perfect weekend he had just spent with McNally, which in turn always made him think about how he still had over 100 days left in this uc op. Thats another 100 days until he gets to hold her again. The only solace he could find these days was in the hard work of organizing the the next huge shipment. It was coming along really well and so he had hope that he would be home within the next month, that thought may of not been very realistic but it was the only thing that kept him going, knowing that he would get to see her, soon.

Knowing that the 'surprise' he had promised McNally should be ready by now he decided to take a walk to see if he could pick it up yet. It was the first day off he had had since he had been back since the work load was heavy what with planning the next shipment and all and he was glad to get out of the warehouse or stingy apartment and grab some fresh air. Grabbing his jacket from the bed he tucked his gun down the back waistband of his pants and closed the heavy metal door behind him, making sure it was locked before he walked down the stairs.

He arrived his destination 40 minutes later after deciding to take the long way there, giving him some time to clear his head. The weekend spent with her had made him doubt wether she was ready for what he was about to do. What if she got scared and ran? like she normally did, he couldn't bare the thought of having to finish the op whilst knowing that nothing was waiting for him when he returned, or more to the point no one.

Pushing these doubts from his mind he walked into the small shop located in the heart of the city. He had seen it one day when he was walking back from posting a letter to her, the expensive stones sitting in the display window glinting and sparkling in the afternoon sun. He just couldn't help himself and within minutes he was inside and chatting to a young store clerk. He had no idea what the hell he was doing but it somehow felt right to him so he spent four hours looking at the various rings trying to decide which one she would like best, God how he wished he had Traci with him right now because despite how mush he knew about McNally he had no idea what kind of ring she would like, she had never talked about it. Should he go gold or silver? Thin ban or thick band? Small stone or big stone? Single stone or multiple? Princess cut or emerald cut? Pear shaped or marquise? When he couldn't find the right ring the lovely clerk had suggested that he design his own and so that is exactly what he did. Going with something simple but elegant he finally thought he had the perfect one and so he was told it would be ready within the next three to four weeks.

He was hoping that it would have been ready in time for their weekend together but when it wasn't he decided that that would be better. It would give him something to look forward to when returning home.

Walking into the shop the store clerk smile at him and motioned for him to come over. "It came in yesterday" she said "Whoever the special girl is she is very lucky, the ring looks beautiful, I'm sure she will just love it" Pulling out a small black, velvet box, she placed it on the counter and motioned for him to open it. When he did he would swear to god that his heart stopped. He had never been one to love engagement rings, especially since the day McNally walked into parade with one on her finger, but this ring was gorgeous. With the ring finally in his hands it was all becoming real and he just prayed to god that she would say yes.

Shoving the ring into his jacket pocket he paid for it and started the slow walk home. The ring had been quite expensive but he considered McNally worth it. Up until this point he had never understood why men spent such a great deal of money for an engagement ring but holding the perfect ring in his hands it all became clear to him, when you find the right one and the right ring everything else doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

* * *

Climbing the stairs to his apartment he noticed when he neared his door that it was left open - slightly ajar. Knowing that he had locked it when he left he drew his gun and slowly pushed open the door, walking forward with the gun pointed into his apartment. Clearing all the rooms one by one he noticed a few things out of place but when he was searching the last room it became clear to him that whoever had been in there was long gone. Righting a few things he walked back out to the kitchen and noticed his pile of mail had been disturbed, however upon sifting through the letters he discovered nothing was missing.

Locking and dead-bolting the door he was now on full alert. Being his day off it meant he had nothing to do except sit around the apartment which was the last thing he wanted to do right now because every time he had a few moments to relax the only thing his mind would allow him to think about was her and he couldn't handle that. So, instead he pulled out the pad of paper he used to write letters on and began to write one to McNally, after all he had promised her there would be a letter waiting for her exactly 14 days after their weekend and with it would be a surprise. Now that the surprise was ready he didn't see the point in waiting two more days and so he wrote to her about how much he missed her, how every time he saw a woman with long dark hair he thought it was her. He was the most honest in this letter than any of the other letters but after all he was asking her the most important question of his life.

Finishing it an hour later he decided to walk to the dairy and post it tonight, the sooner she got it the better. He was so on cloud nine and excited that on the way to the diary he failed to notice the black van tailing him, hanging back about one block or so, so as not to look suspicious.

He didn't notice it on the way back to his apartment either and unlocking the door, glad to see it was still in fact locked this time, he failed to see the man following him up the stairs. Pausing when he heard footsteps behind him he turned to see a man wearing a black balaclava. Reaching for his gun it was too late and the last thing he remembers is falling to the floor and then instant darkness.

* * *

A flurry of commotion in the bullpen made her look up from the reports she was currently writing. Looking around she saw all available officers drop what they were doing and make their way to the bullpen. Seeing jerry walk past with a troubled look on his face she stopped him "What's going on Jerry?" She asked hesitantly, not entirely sure if she wanted to hear the answer. "You may want to sit this one out Andy" He replied, his voice filled with distress and regret. "Why would I want to do that?" She was really worried now, all the signs were pointing towards Sam and his op. Had something happened to him? No it can't of, she was just there, less than two weeks ago, everything was fine. Instead of answering her he ushered her to the bullpen where he walked to the front and started to talk .

"Officer Sam Swarek is currently working undercover, as many of you know. However, he has failed to make the last four check-in's. His handler brought this to our attention only minutes ago and as of now we are searching for a missing officer. His last check-in was at 2pm yesterday and he was last seen by security cameras opening his apartment door to enter and only to close it again seconds later after reaching for his gun. There was a blind spot at his door so that was our last visual. We suspect he was followed and attacked just outside his apartment door. Swarek was working with out suspect Jammie Brennan who was due to bring in a massive shipment of drugs within the next two weeks. Officers are on route to his apartment and we are checking out any building's under the name of anyone who Swarek was working with. I don't think I need to tell any of you how important and urgent this is so lets get to work and find him!" Organized chaos was what followed the briefing by Jerry but all Andy could do was sit there, unable to move. Words were a jumble in her head - _failed last four check-in's, missing officer, attacked_, none of it registering, her brain refusing to work, until it was only her and the sound of Jerry pinning photos to the board. The eery silence settling in like fog on a cold winters morning.

"Do you think it was the letters?" she asked worried

"It can't of been, you didn't mention anything about work so I think we're safe there" He replied trying to reassure her. This was _not_ her fault.

"I screwed up, Jerry" she said so quietly he almost didn't hear her

"No McNally, it's ok, you didn't put him in danger, that was all Boyd's doing. He should have informed us when Sam missed his first check-in, not wait until the god damn fourth..."

"No Jerry!" she cut him off mid sentence "He asked me to meet up with him, and so we went to this amazing little cottage for the weekend and now he's missing and it's all my fault" She was sobbing now, struggling to hold back the flood of tears "Oh God! What have I done?" She cried, burying her head in her hands.

That was when Jerry really let loose. "You did what McNally!?" How could you be so stupid? You may have just put another officer's _life_ in danger!" He yelled

"I Know and I'm sorry" she sobbed

"Sorry doesn't even _begin_ to cut it McNally! What if we don't find him? What if he doesn't make it? Hah, what then?" It was that moment that another officer walked into the room and cleared his throat, letting his presence be known to those in the room.

"Unless this has anything to do with Swarek then I don't wanna know, I have too much to deal with right now" Yelled Jerry to the scared officer, he had the same look as McNally, a deer caught in headlights.

"Actually it does. We have an address" the frightened officer said to jerry "It's been sent to your phone" he continued and then walked out, not wanting to get in the way of whatever argument was already taking place.

Jerry turned back to look directly at Andy. "You had better pray nothing has happened to him, for your sake" he said and then hurriedly walked out, Andy following closely behind. No way was she going to sit back here and watch, she needed to be there, for Sam. She needed to see that he was ok. _He was going to be ok._ She was sure of it. She could _feel_ it. They would get there just in time and catch their guy and Sam would be just fine and then they would get on with living their lives. Yes, everything was going to be just fine.

* * *

The ride there was deathly silent, she couldn't handle it.

"He told me he wanted to have kids Jerry" she said quietly, reminiscing about their perfect weekend "Hew thought I was asleep and so he told me about her. He wanted a girl, called Grace, with my eyes and his dimples, she would be unstoppable he said" The tears were now a constant stream down her cold and red cheeks.

"I shouldn't have lost it back there Andy, I'm sorry" he replied, focused on the road while trying to get there as quickly as possible.

"No it's ok, I get it. It's all my fault. If anything happens to him Jerry, I'll never forgive myself. I put him in danger. What if he _doesn'_t make it? I might of gotten him _killed_, Jerry" She was now a blubbering mess. Head in her hands she just prayed to god that he would be ok

* * *

Blinding white light from an overhead bulb pierced through the darkness, making him fully aware of the painful dull throbbing at the back of his head. _Where the fuck am I? _Trying to lift his hand to access the damage to the back of his head he noticed his hands were duck-taped to the chair he was sitting on, so were his feet. Struggling to break free he let out a frustrated groan when the tape wouldn't give and instead cut into his skin.

"I wouldn't do that if I was you, it will only make it worse" said Brennan, casually strolling into the room like this was something he did every Sunday.

"What the fuck do you want?!" Sam yelled at him

"Well, gosh, where do I start? Oh, I know, how about at the love letters form who was it? Help me out here JD. Wait, that's right, it's Andy McNally isn't it JD, or should I say Sam?"

"I swear to _God_ if you hurt _one_ hair on her head!" he hissed out angrily. NO not angrily, he was _pissed._ Pissed and also a little afraid. _Did he have Andy?_

"See, that's funny cause I really don't think you're in a position to be making threats now, are you?" He laughed a sick and disgusting laugh, full of anger and hatred at the world. It was then that Sam heard the sound of approaching sirens. _Thank God, backup. _

"That must be your other buddy cops, is it Sam?" he didn't give him a chance to respond before continuing "You wanna know how I made you?" he asked "It started with the boat. You know, I was a little bit suspicious so I asked my mate to get me some info on it. Turns out I had a right to be suspicious since that boat was still supposed to be in police custody. So then I thought I'd take a look around your apartment, see what I could dig up. And that's when I stumbled across these little gems" and with that he threw the pile of letters from Andy on the ground at his feet. "It made for really interesting reading I must say. But what I loved must has to be these pictures" and he shoved one into Sam's face, making him look at it. _Fuck,_ she looked so innocent. So beautiful and perfect. "She's a keeper Sammy. Cute face, if I had my way with her, well..." and he let out another low and sickening laugh

"You son of a bitch! She better be ok! I don't care if you kill me but even _think_ about touching her and the cops in those cars you can hear the sirens from now, they will make your life _hell_!" They were getting closer now, the shrill wailing piercing the silent air.

* * *

Pulling up to an old and run down house he heart was literally in her mouth. _This is it_ she thought as she slowly climbed out of the cruiser and it's warmth. Knowing she couldn't be part of the team going in to clear the house she settled for waiting by the front of the cruiser, puffs of breath visible in the freezing winters night. The tears still hadn't ceased to stop falling and she willed herself to be strong, for him.

There was a loud crash as Oliver kicked in the door and entered, followed by Jerry, backup from 15 and the SWAT.

One minute.

Two minutes.

Three.

All passing in slow motion.

Surely they should have found him by now?

She was watching the police issue flashlights reflecting in the windows of the second story.

A single gunshot rang out, piercing the still air settled around them and shattering the calmness that had settled over her.

* * *

Thanks so much for reading and PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE don't forget to review, they make my day!

I look forward to posting the final chapter :)


	11. Forever And Always, I Promise

So here is the final chapter :( I'm really sad to be finishing with this story since it's become like my baby and the first ever piece of fan fiction I've ever written. I want to thank everyone that read and review and followed and favourited this story, you guys rock!

**Since I'm sure many of you may be sad with how I've ended this story, if I get enough interest and reviews I will consider writing and posting an alternate ending**

Nominations are now also open for the 2013 ROOKIE'S CHOICE AWARDS so don't forget to nominate your favorite stories by going to forums and then 'the parade'

Without further-a-do, here goes the last chapter...

* * *

Kicking open the last door which concealed Sam and his captor, Oliver heard a single gun shot ring out through the air.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,** fuck!**_. This could only mean one thing he thought as he braced himself for the scene he was sure was awaiting him behind the door.

Entering the dark room the first thing he saw was Brennan standing over Sam, holding a gun.

Dark silhouettes dancing on the wall and the bright moonlight shining through the windows making the smoke from the freshly fired weapon visible.

The next thing that caught his eye was the bright red blood pooling beneath Sam, almost inhuman in color when contrasted with the dark wooden floors beneath him.

"You son of a bitch!" He yelled "Slowly place your weapon on the ground, get down on your knees and place your hands behind your head!". When Brennan didn't move Oliver screamed "**NOW!". **After the weapon was safely out of the way he moved in for the take down, shoving him to the ground and tightening the handcuffs so he was sure they would almost cut off the circulation to his hands, against the protests of the man he was currently manhandling. However, he couldn't care less considering this was the man who just shot his best friend. _Shot_ him in cold-blooded murder.

After handing him off to Diaz and Epstein he turned to focus on the crumpled heap laying on the ground in front of him.

"Sam. Sam! Can you hear me man?" He asked desperately. When he failed to show any signs of movement he knelt to feel for a pulse.

"Anything" Asked Frank who had now arrived on scene.

"No" Was all Oliver said, unable to say anything else. This was his best friend laying _dead_ in front of him, shot by a sick and deluded man.

"Dispatch we have an officer down, no pulse. Send a medic right away" said frank regretfully into his radio.

"If there's no pulse then why do we need a medic?" asked Gail.

_This was something she should know by now,_ thought Frank, but after just having been less than ten feet away from another officer when he was killed, not just another officer but Sam Swarek, he could understand why she may not be thinking clearly.

"Because only a medic can declare someone dead" Frank replied solemnly.

Frank needed to take charge of the situation, especially since no one was in any mood to be following protocol right now, so he ordered Brennan to be taken back to the station and informed Oliver that after the medic had declared him, they could zip him up and take him downstairs to a waiting van. Sam deserved so much more than simply being zipped up in a bag and driven off in a van except that everyone here needed to do this one by the book. No special treatment or cutting corners if they wanted to nail Brennan.

"Is McNally here?" he asked, knowing she shouldn't see him like this. It would break her heart. Not to mention the fact that she would blame herself, just like he blames himself for this. He should never have allowed her to write letters to him, it was a moment where he had a lapse in judgement, a lapse in judgement which resulted in fifteen loosing one of their own, an incredible cop and one of his close friends. He would never forgive himself. Never make a mistake like this again. It's a sad day when a division looses one of their own but when it was because of your actions and could have been prevented, that was unforgivable.

"Yeah, she's outside in a squad car waiting for someone to tell her that they found him. Alive" replied Oliver, he knew how hard this news was going to be on her and she didn't need to see him here, like this, laying on the floor in a pool of his own blood, hell, even he was having a hard time remaining professional. This was part of the job, he knew that, he just never thought it would actually happen, least of all to Sam of all people. He never got himself into situations like this, especially undercover. He was always extra cautious and never let anything slip, one of the reasons why up until now he had never been made, apart from when McNally tackled him on her first day, but that was different.

"Oliver can you go down and inform her, then take her back to the station so she can get changed and tell Tracy to take the rest of the night off so she can be with her, she will need someone" Frank said, then went back to directing everyone to where they needed to be, putting his own personal attachment aside to nail the bastard that had killed one of the best cops, officers and men he had ever known.

* * *

She knew. She could see it in his eyes. In the way he walked, head hung low, refusing to look at her, because the moment he did she could _see_ it. The sadness and pain written all over his face. And when he got close enough it was in the way a single tear escaped his eye and slid down his cheek. She had never seen Oliver cry. Never. Not until today.

"No, Oliver, no?" she cried and when he shook his head she couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe that the man she loved was gone, taken from her before they even had a chance at something _real. _She needed to hear the words, needed to know that this was real and not some sickening nightmare. "Say it, Oliver" she cried. He shook his head again, words refusing to form in his mouth "God damn it Oliver, say it! I need to hear it! Say he's dead!" she sobbed and he pulled her into a hug. Wrapping her arms tightly around him she could feel his tears on her uniform, just like his was now covered with her sobs. "No, no, no, no, he can't be" she whimpered into the collar of his shirt.

Pulling away from her slightly he said to Traci who had just arrived on scene "Take her back to the station so she can go home, and stay with her tonight, she's going to need a friend, she can't be here when they bring the body out". Traci nodded and walked closer to Oliver and Andy, whispering to Andy "Come here sweetheart, let's get you home" Andy simply nodded and broke away from Oliver. Grasping Traci's hand in a death grip she guided her back to the cruiser and settled her in the front passenger seat.

The ride back to the station was filled with silence, Andy simply staring at something out of the front windscreen, not daring to look anywhere else. She looked like a lost puppy, red puffy eyes from crying except that now the flow of tears had stopped. Shock had set in. "He's gone Traci. He's really gone" she said coldly "It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was mean tot come home and we were going to be a family, white picket fence and all"

"I know honey" was all Traci said, trying to keep herself together for her best friend "I know"

"And now he's gone!" she managed to get out before sobs wrecked her body and she sat with her head in her hands.

Pulling up to the station twenty minutes later Traci helped her to change and then took her back to her apartment. Not wanting to be alone she asked Traci to stay, and so Traci slept next to Andy, in the place where Sam should have been.

Sleep was hard to find and Andy found herself thinking about the last time they had seen each other, been together, what was said.

_"I love you, I'll see you soon. I promise". "I love you too"_

_He broke the promise _she heard herself thinking

* * *

A whole week had passed and Andy refused to leave her apartment, Traci dropping by four or five times a day to bring groceries and make sure Andy was ok, but she wasn't. She wasn't coping and she blamed herself for his death. It was only when Frank rung one morning and told Andy she needed to come into the station because it was urgent that she tried to make herself look presentable and ventured out of the house. The start white buildings and grey pavements all reminding her of how dull her life was now that he was gone.

After walking to the station, against Traci's protests, she was met by Frank who ushered her into his office, but not before she caught snippets of other officers conversations _"I heard they were screwing around while he was under" _or_ "She's the reason he was made, and now he's dead" _But she didn't care because she knew they were right, they weren't gossiping, just speaking the facts.

Taking a seat in Frank's office she didn't fail to notice the boxes stacked on his desk, the ones that contained his personal possessions.

"What's going on Sir?" she asked, it looked like he was leaving.

"Well, I have decided I am going to take a leave of absence. One year, two at the most." he replied

"Why sir? Is this because of me because I can't let you take the fall for a stupid mistake I made?" she said, disbelief at what she was hearing setting over her

"Yes and no. Look McNally, the white shirts are looking for blood, the want someone to throw under the bus and take responsibility for officer Swarek's death.." he was cut off mid sentence

"I know and that was going to be me I just..."

"Let me finish McNally. So I am putting myself forward and taking responsibility for my decisions which ultimately resulted in officer Swarek's death. They need someone to throw under the bus and that's me"

"But Sir, this isn't your fault, it's mine. I can't let you lose your job because of a stupid rookies mistake!" she said angrily to him, why couldn't he just admit that she's the reason he's Sam's dead, the reason she will never get to see or hold or kiss him again.

"No McNally, it was my mistake, and you are not just some stupid rookie either. You are the most promising rookie we have had since Oliver and Sam's lot and I wont let you lose your badge because of me" He took a deep breath and sighed, like he was deciding whether or not he should continue "Look, I made a promise to myself back when I first started being a cop McNally. I told myself that the day a fellow officer gets in danger or injured or god forbid dies because of my actions or something I failed to do, that that was the day I hand in my badge. That day has come."

"But they weren't your actions!" she yelled "I was the one who wrote the letters to him and... and... and I was the one that met up with him nearly two weeks before he died! It's all my fault!" she expected him to be mad, angry, to yell and scream at her for being so stupid so as to meet up with him while he was undercover and put his life in danger, but when all she heard was silence she was slightly confused.

"And that was one of the happiest weekend of his life" said Frank and when he noticed the confused expression on her face he elaborated more "At his first meet with his handler, me, after that weekend, all he could talk about was you McNally. How he wouldn't give up the time he spent with you for _anything. _I had never seen him so happy in his whole life"

"He really said that?" she asked in disbelief

"Yes McNally, he did, and don't worry about my badge. I wont be gone forever, they don't have the time or resources to train more staff sergeants so they can't afford to lose me" He said. She simply nodded.

"There's one other thing McNally before you go" He said softly and she looked puzzled.

"I called the local post office to close the box we were using and they said there was still something in it, so I went down there and I found this" and he pulled out a white envelope and black velvet box. She gasped at what she was seeing in front of her._ It couldn't be._"It's dated the day he died" Frank said softly. _It was. It was a letter from him._ "I'll see you around McNally, it's been a great honor and pleasure serving with you" and all formality wen tout the window when he stood up and spread his arms for a hug

"Thank you" she whispered "I'll never forget this"

* * *

Exiting the station grasping the letter and box her legs felt wobbly, like jelly. So she decided to run home, she wanted to open the letter as soon as possible and by herself, in the comfort of her own apartment with a box of tissues where she could cry her heart out, something she was certain she was going to do when she read his letter. It was honestly the fastest she had run home in her life and taking the stairs two at a time up to her apartment she pushed her keys into the lock and flopped down on her bed. Ripping the letter open she read.

_Andy_

_As promised here is your letter and surprise, but don't open the box until you have read this letter._

_I love you. Simple as that, and when I was with you not even two weeks ago, when I was watching you sleep or watching you make a cup of coffee all I could think about was how I wanted this for the rest of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to watch you become and incredible mum to our children and I want the white picket fence and the dog and the soccer games on Saturday, the ballet __lessons, the teacher parent interviews. I never thought in my wildest dream that I would ever want any of this, that was until I met you, because now I see a future with all of these things in it and most importantly, you. Sometimes when you meet the right one you just know, there's that gut feeling and so even though you may not be ready for this and even though I'm scared as hell that you will run, somehow it just feels right. _

_That night that we spent together for the first time I made a promise to myself, that I would never let you go, because after spending one night with you wrapped in my arms I just knew you were it for me and I wouldn't give that up for anything. I promised myself that we would make it through whatever life throws at us because what we have is something special, something incredible. Now I want to make that promise to you._

_In the box is a symbol of my promise to you. I want to spent eternity with you Andy McNally so even though I know this isn't very conventional I need to do it now. Andy McNally, Will you marry me?_

_I will be home in 38 days, I just found out the date of the takedown so in 38 days I will be able to hear your answer. I don't want you to write to me before then to tell me since if you say no I will have no reason to come home, you are my life. Now I know you aren't very good at following instructions so if you really must you can write to tell me yes, but not no, no isn't an option._

_I'm counting down the days. I love you with all my heart._

_Love Sam_

_P.S you can open the box now._

By now Andy was a blubbering mess. _He just proposed to me._ He had just proposed to her and now he was dead. If it wasn't for her then he would still be alive right now and he would be here, to get down on one knee and ask her. Pulling the covers up around her she cried her heart out, for him, for everything she would never have. The black box still held tight in her hand. When she realized this she released it and slowly opened the small velvet box, already knowing what was inside. Pulling out the most beautiful ring she had ever seen she held it up to the light, admiring its elegant simplicity. It was then that she noticed the small inscribing on the inside of the ring. Looking closer she saw that it was a small S.S and then 6114, his badge number.

Slipping the ring carefully onto her finger she crawled under the covers and cried herself to sleep, vowing to never love another man in he rife, Sam Swarek would always own her heart, until the day she dies and they can be together again.

* * *

Wow, so that is the end of the story! I have loved writing every word of it for you all!

**If you want to see their 'happily ever after' then review and if I get enough I will write an alternate ending for you :)**

Thanks for reading and until next time, kia ora :)


	12. Alternative Ending

Wow Ok, so some of the reviews for the last chapter were pretty harsh and after reading all your reviews I think the general idea was that you hated me for killing him off and you wanted to see an alternative ending since you couldn't live with mine, however I am completely ok with that. I agree that I wasn't too happy with myself for killing him off but it had been my plan since about chapter three and also I feel like I always remember the stories that make me cry and reading your reviews it seems that most of you did in fact cry when reading the last chapter.

You could say this ending is their 'happily ever after' since that wasn't exactly what happened with the last chapter : / **But just to be clear this isn't 'changing' the ending to my story, it's more just something to satisfy all of you out there who didn't like the last one. The last chapter was 'officially' the 'end' of my story. **

I would be really interested to know which ending you guys preferred so please review and tell me which one you liked better :)

* * *

Pushing open the door that Oliver knew concealed Sam and his captor, he prepared himself for the scene that he knew may in fact be awaiting him. Stepping into the room he made out a figure in the darkness holding a gun to a man sitting in a chair's head, Sam's head. "**Police! Put the gun down!" **He yelled and when Brennan started to turn the gun towards him he pulled the trigger, a single gun shot piercing the still and silent air and hitting Brennan perfectly in the chest.

When he fell to the fall in a crumpled heap, blood pooling beneath his chest, Oliver kicked the gun out of the way and called for a medic, although thanks to his pretty perfect aim it looked like the guy was dead. Turning his attention to Sam he walked over to the chair he was currently duck-taped to and started to free him.

"Manage to get yourself in a bit of a situation here brother?" asked Oliver and then he laughed. It was more relief than anything else, finding Sam before Brennan had managed to hurt him badly or kill him.

"Where is McNally? Is she ok?" Sam asked in a panicked voice once he was freed from the chair and tape "Brennan said that he..."

Oliver cut him off "She's fine man, she outside waiting in one of the cruisers"

"Ok thanks" Sam said and then he started to take a step forward, focused on finding McNally and, god, he didn't know, he just needed to see her, see that she was ok.

"Sam you can't, come on you know that" Oliver said gently, trying not to make Sam angry "not until internal affairs has determined why Brennan made you. I know about the letters Sam, and even though I can't believe you would be so stupid I get why. You just can't see her right now man, I'm sorry" he finished

"I'll tell you why Brennan made me" said Sam angrily "It was because of that idiot Boyd. Did you also know that he gave me a dodgy cover story, one full of holes? He gave me a boat that was still supposed to be in police custody, Brennan did some digging and found out. That is why he made me, it had nothing to do with McNally and if the god damn white shirts won't let me see her then fine, they can have my badge, I don't _care_!" He yelled

"You're not thinking clearly Sam. If it had nothing to do with the letters then why are they here, scattered on the ground by the chair over there? Huh? Listen, I know it's going to be hard but you have no choice, I really am sorry man" And with that Oliver radioed an officer outside "Someone needs to take officer McNally back to the station now, she can't be here"

"Copy that Shaw, Officer Smith will take her back to the station" he heard Noelle say through the radio.

Outside Andy was beside herself with fear and guilt. Who's gun had the shot come from? Oliver's or Brennan's?

Her mind drifted back to that morning when Frank had called her into his office. He had handed over another one of Sam's letters and she was so excited to finally hear from him again. It was dated, yesterday, just before he had started to miss his check-in's. Remembering what the letter said she couldn't help but smile at what he had asked her, how he had proposed to her. Pulling out the silver chain from under her shirt she twisted the ring in her fingers, the red and blue flashing lights reflecting on the dazzling stone. "yes" she whispered into the air, hoping that if he didn't make it then maybe, just maybe, he would somehow be bale to hear her. She needed him to know that she would have said yes, without a second thought.

Finally after what felt like forever she heard the news she had been waiting for through her radio "Dispatch we have suspect in custody and injured, sent a medic right away. Officer Swarek is safe and unharmed" She let out a breath she wasn't aware she was even holding. How would she have ever forgiven herself if something had happened to him she had no idea. Taking a few steps toward the house Noelle stopped her "You can't go in there McNally" she said calmly

"But I _need_ to see him" She replied confused

"You can't. Not until internal affairs has reviewed the case and cleared both you and officer Swarek. I'm sorry. Officer Smith here is going to take you back to the station, ok?" and she motioned towards a younger looking officer that was now standing beside her. She nodded and followed him to the cruiser, the opposite direction of where she really needed to be going right now but knowing that she may have already cost Sam his badge and most probably hers, not to mention almost getting him killed, she complied and climbed into the warm cruiser.

On the quiet drive back to the station she realized just how tired she was, struggling to keep her eyes open since they were now away from the lights and sirens and commotion of the scene. Glancing at the officer beside her, he looked back at her face and she saw the judgment in his eyes, the disapproval. Oh how the rumor mill would be working overtime in the next few days, she thought to herself.

Arriving back at the station she was told by Frank over the radio to wait in interrogation room three, so wait she did. That was almost two hours ago now and she wondered if they had forgotten about her, or maybe that just decided to lock her up and throw away the key.

The sound of the door opening brought her back from her thoughts and she gasped when she saw who it was that entered, Sam. She barely had time to stand up before he was over standing right in front of her. Throwing her arms around him she started to sob. Both were holding each other in a death grip neither willing to let go.

"Yes" He heard her whisper into his ear, so quietly he almost didn't hear it.

"What?" he asked back, hoping, but unsure if she was saying yes to what he thought she was.

"Yes" She had pulled back and was now looking him in the eyes "Yes to everything. Yes to the dog and the white picket fence and the soccer games and the ballet. Yes to you, I want it all and I want to share all of it with you" She said excitedly, a wide smile breaking out on his face when he realized just what she was actually saying yes to.

"Hold on, I want to do it properly" he said "Do you have the ring?" he asked, and she undid the top button of her collar revealing the silver chain which when she took off had his ring attached to it.

"Here" she said and she held it out for him to take.

Getting down on one knee he then took her hand and said "Andy McNally, would make me the happiest man alive and marry me?"

"Yes" she screamed and after slipping the ring onto her finger she pulled him up to her face and kissed him like the she never had before, a kiss filled with hope and promises and excitement for everything that the future held.

* * *

Ok, so that is the alternative ending.

Please let me know which one you liked best in a review :)

**And don't forget that nominations are now open for the 2013 ROOKIE'S CHOICE AWARDS, so fill out a ballot form from 'the parade' in 'forum's' to nominate your favorite authors and stories!**


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